New Blog

So I'm going to create a new blog on wordpress, because there seems to be more features and also, it is more aesthetically pleasing.

You may link to it here: http://isagreynbel.wordpress.com/

Notice also my name has slightly changed to Isa Greynbel.

I just started this the other day, so there are only a few things up, but I hope to make it better and more substancy soon.

Words

bloopy
blum
puddle
lemon
pale
lalala
dear
meadow
gummy
blah
water

I want to be filled

with love and wonder, and clarity. I want to find myself again. I want to see and be seen. I want.

People talk about

instability and inability, disturbance and change; they think these things matter - that they can separate people into categories of normal or pleasant vs. not normal and not pleasant, or odd and not in a good way (because there is only certain kinds of odd that are considered good) and nice or not nice at all or too quiet, or too loud (too this or too that...). I try not to do this to other people, this character judgment I mean, and mostly I find I don't, though recently, I have been giving myself permission to dislike people, because they do not make me feel good, or because they are inconsiderate or mean, or because I feel their judgment and I don't want to care about it. I have decided that it is okay if I don't like everyone, even if they appear to be nice and pleasant--that some people will rub me the wrong way, simply because I can tell that they would never understand me, nor would they even try.

Snow Day

It is the difference between wanting and needing a snow day.
You can want something without needing it. You can look forward to life but be scared of it at the same time or you can be scared and let it overwhelm you - this knowledge that you will not be able to survive - only imitate survival -- you feel it is impossible for you to go on.

Still, you cannot hide from the world, even if it is what you sometimes feel you need.

Right Now

Sometimes you have to take pleasure in the small moments when you are okay. You know it will be hard later, but you do not think of it now, when you can feel life moving through you - take comfort in the fact that you are looking forward to something - that you feel yourself returning, and you hope but do not count on the fact that you will stay.