Tuesday, February 9, 2010
People talk about
instability and inability, disturbance and change; they think these things matter - that they can separate people into categories of normal or pleasant vs. not normal and not pleasant, or odd and not in a good way (because there is only certain kinds of odd that are considered good) and nice or not nice at all or too quiet, or too loud (too this or too that...). I try not to do this to other people, this character judgment I mean, and mostly I find I don't, though recently, I have been giving myself permission to dislike people, because they do not make me feel good, or because they are inconsiderate or mean, or because I feel their judgment and I don't want to care about it. I have decided that it is okay if I don't like everyone, even if they appear to be nice and pleasant--that some people will rub me the wrong way, simply because I can tell that they would never understand me, nor would they even try.
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To understand the chaos in the world, we often place people, things, feelings into categories--whether it be a conscious decision or not. But those categories are moving and malleable...and subject to change based on experience, time. It's normal to dislike, or even hate...to acknowledge those feelings and to accept them for the moment or as permanent entities. If we constantly delve into deeper meanings, we can drive ourselves crazy and drown in them. I have many of those feelings and am OK with them for the most part. Your core is wonderful in itself and in the act of forgetting is the act of remembering her.
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